Thursday, November 6, 2008

Gaining, but Steadily Losing Hope

I made it! I abandoned my blog (a thing i love so much) for almost six months, so i could make IT. Now, a graduate holding a Master of Arts degree in English...well, lets just say that's the only thing i'm holding; i've never been more jobless, frustrated and fearful in my life. Let me explain. Being in University provides a kind of intellectual shelter from the harsh, sometimes crude, world of employment; University theoretically trains you for years, but provides no practical opportunity. I haven't come across an employer who doesn't see (code: looking for) 3-5 years of experience as an "asset" in getting the job. I feel like screaming:

"Where the hell do i get 3-5 years teaching experience if i have been in school trying to get those damn degrees for the last 5 years?!"

Now, penniless and with little hope of getting that 45k job so i can at least feed my daughter and live free, i'm thinking about going back to study for another 5years since i cannot bare to go on welfare. Yes, it's that bad. Another delay, another escape from the real world. With a student loan and 10years studying "experience" lets pray that retirement go as planned for English professors; then, they'll have no choice but to hire me. Bastards!

Obama wins an election by talking about the very things that i've been wanting to hear these days: unyielding hope, opportunity and honesty from politicians who claim to govern all of us. I have never been more hopeless and felt more uninspired by those above us. I remember being in primary school thinking i could be anything i wanted to be as long as i worked hard, possessed the right kind of attitude and integrity. It turns out that i've worked hard against all odds, and trust me, there have been many, did all the right things and is still unable to see a real break, a real glimmer of hope in breaking from my past hardships and struggle. Being a media junkie of sorts, i scan my television screen each day and there is always someone testifying to reaching the American / Canadian dream through hard work and perseverance. Though, for most of us, especially those who had to start the race from too far behind in not having the right kind of parents, living conditions, guidance, mentors, resources, opportunities, environment, we wind up seeing the very dream so many people talk about eluding us.

Where on earth is the best place to live? Where do i go as a hardworking, motivated, determined, conscientious black woman with little experience, a student loan, a daughter and an MA in English?

Will a nation deliver on huge problems like global warming and terrorism when it cannot adequately handle small things like equal opportunity and employment. What about those dreams that have been deferred?

2 comments:

Lauren said...

Congrats! I am so proud of you. Don't lose hope - the job market is ridiculous right now, but SOMEONE is hiring. Don't be afraid to think outside the box, jobwise. I would look for all of the jobs that a master's could get you, even if it's not a professor job. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, but I hope you and your family are well. Miss you!

Jer said...

Thanks, Lauren, for your kind thoughts. I've been looking everywhere, outside the box, nothing yet; i'll hold on to your faith and my strength. I miss you too!