Red Light, Green Light

The answer,
it coils in the veins
of a single blade of grass

Mother and Child

A lone dry tear caresses her
cheekbone,
it carries her (woman's) pain,
the weight of years it bears,
like a crow.
She is haunted by the loss,
of stars
in the dark (deep-blue) sky
her soul, raped by death,
consents.
She tries to speak, but her words
betray her
her heart beats, but without life
she sleeps
only to find herself awake,
mad grief!
She died her son's death
the grave
is left open, waiting
by numbers
the hole, is now home.

Mobility Rights

I am having a lousy day. I am so tired. I will be taking my citizenship test tomorrow, it's about time. I only read the-book-they-sent-for-me-to-study once so hopefully that's enough. I won't start on the "Canadian History" that you get to study, i'm just glad they included the Aboriginal peoples. I planned a trip to go see my relatives in the US only to find out that i need to be a Canadian citizen to go there. God, it makes me think about the politics of mobility rights. Only a those with first class international status can travel the world. If you are from the "third world" and poor, forget it. There is so much injustice in this world sometimes it makes me wonder if the man upstairs is sleeping. I am tired of being pissed off and i rock my brain trying to figure out what i can do about it only to realize that i just have to let it go...

In other news...
i bought Margaret Atwood's ALIAS GRACE because i'm trying to read ahead for my grad classes. It breaks the record for the longest novel i will have read for an English Literature course. It stands at a whooping 561pages. But more on that later, when i get over my crankiness...

Breathe...

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"

Who is "the reader"?

I am staring down Lawrence Hill's BOOK OF NEGROES on my shelf thinking: "do i really want to start reading this?" It's pretty long, 469pages. I bought it five months ago with the intention that i would read it when i get the time. I know that it is supposed to be an important book for Afro Canadian history and that its contents represent fifteen years of research and hard work; after all, i had been to Hill's presentation on the book. The trouble is, just from flipping through the pages and stopping now and again to read a paragraph here and there, i am not connecting with the narrator. Who would have thought that connecting with a narrator would be so darn important to the reader? It's weird. The voice just does not... umm, it's not engaging. I don't know, i'm imagining an old African woman but the words on the page do not seem to be coming from her mouth...

It's not that i am intimidated by the length of the book, God knows, i've had my share of big books! I can usually tell from the first four pages, because you get a feel of the tone, mood etc., if a book is going to be great. Austin Clarke's, THE POLISHED HOE, is just as "big"; the difference is that as soon as i read the first four lines from Clark's text i knew, immediately, that i would be in for a treat. Almost instantly, i could see and hear Mary-Mathilda speaking and i recognized who she was and where she was coming from. I don't know, i hate to past a judgement on THE BOOK OF NEGROES so early but i just don't feel this one. Hence, its place on my shelf, and me glancing over every now and again savouring its elegance and sheer size among my other "slim" creative texts. Hopefully, one day i will summon up enough courage to read it. I feel my conscience kicking in a bit, but nothing distresses me more than having to read a book only to find it disengaging; that's just painful. Gosh, it's painful just to write those words. Anyways, if i'm going to have any shot at being a critic, i'd better start learning that being harsh is part of the game!

Loving Yourself

So, grad classes begin seven weeks from today, yay! My sisters are asking when will i be done with school and get a job. Truth be told, i wish i never have to stop. Ah, i'm such a nerd! Well, what can i say? I love learning. My high school motto was "Vitta Sine Litteris Mors Est " (life without learning is death), and given the history of my history, i never want to stop learning. I feel like my ancestors were denied access to literacy and book learning in such a way as to preserve their self-denigration and put a leash on their potential as a people. And that is why so many of us are still searching for ourselves. Lord! I feel like i am about to start preaching! The reality for many of us is that we have to finish high school, if we're lucky, and find a job, if we are lucky. See, when you have that kind of history you are already at the back of the line, and when the race begins, you have to jump over hoops and hurdles to get to the front; some people never get to the front. When i look in the mirror (and i don't look in the mirror often) i see a girl with a dream, a big dream, who has to use a whole lot of imagination to see herself at the front of the line. The reason she still clings to that hope is because that is all she has. She has no inheritance, except what history has handed down, and she has no treasures. When i think about all the people that i carry on my shoulders, the pressure isn't so bad. This is our journey. So when my sisters ask casually, "when are you going to finish school?" they have no idea that it is actually a "we" question, and they also do not know why i always respond with a casual "i don't know" answer.

For all you believers and dreamers, keep believing and keep dreaming. Always try to be your best self, regardless of what others think about you. Define you, and do not let others be the definers of you and your destiny. Your future is what you make of your present, and only you can change it. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. Then, and only then, will you begin to see yourself among others and begin to love them too. Set a goal, and work towards that goal. Live everyday as if it is your last, that way you have no regrets. Be a leader by example so that others will see, and shine from your light. Love your children and teach them the importance of family; guide them to be their best self. This is the road to happiness. When you get there, celebrate...