Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Derrida is not for Everyone

Okay. So i had to recover from the intellectual violence of my presence in last week's seminar in contemporary theory before i could write this blog. I have ten minutes to type this so bear with me...

Last Friday, we had a guest lecturer who specializes in Derrida and Deconstruction and he came to elucidate for us, the students, the principles of Derrida's theory. Now, i read all the criticisms / materials assigned for that week, and i even laughed out loud when i stumbled upon Derrida's keen sense of humour / irony (something i've never done / was ever able to do before in theory).

I went to the seminar hoping to laugh out loud even more, but, shame on me. I must add that Dr. X did a great job clarifying the relationship between the Platonic dialogues and Derrida's theory about writing / speech and he was even animated and very enthused about the topic. The problem was this: I knew absolutely nothing about Greek myth and, for the life of me, could not begin to wrap my brain around what he was saying. Then, came the numbing pain in the back of my head as my cerebral strings tried as hard as they could to process all the "foreign intelligence." By break-time, i was more than ready to leave but too embarrassed to move. Eventually, the seminar reconvened, but my brain didn't. All his questions went over my head and into the wall behind me as i nervously struggled to maintain my composure. Near the end, my brain finally exploded and gave way to a gush of chemical goo...

When i reached home, i was darn well near depression and had to pull out my undergrad transcript just to remind myself (however corny it may sound) that i am not stupid; that i am qualified to be there, in that seminar; after all, i said to myself, i graduated in the top 3% of the University; and that ought to mean something. It's the least i could do to prevent myself from slitting my wrist.

That's what happens in THEORY. Now, i need to deconstruct how i will survive the rest of the term...

7 comments:

metro mama said...

Dude, I didn't have the strength to even sign up for that class, let alone understand it.

I read the Jameson piece twice for our class and I still don't know what it's about.

My point is, you're not alone!

Jer said...

Dude :), i don't know what Jameson is saying either. And you read it twice!

karengreeners said...

metro mama sent me...
you are way smarter than my undergrad-only-postpartum brain can compute right now, but I like that in a blogger. right now i'm not even smart enough to use capital letters. i'll be back, because i like smart, and your kid is gorgeous.

moplans said...

Grad school was total intellectual violence for me. I love that. Did you make it up?

Just my two cents but I think the fact that you are not familiar with the details of Dr Xs life's work is only an indicator that you are not him or her.

If you haven't seen it you should watch Derrida, the documentary. I saw it when I was in grad school. My supervisor, a post-colonial feminist queer theorist, asked me what I thought and I had to admit my main concern was for his children having him as a father and a psychoanalyst as a mother. What hope did they have of being normal?

Jer said...

lisa b, I tend to narrate (sometimes) when i write but, no, i didn't make this one up :)

I will definitely check out that documentary!

kgirl, lisa b: thanks for dropping by...

Lauren said...

Jer, I read several of your older entries, and even the article you wrote and posted the link to, and I have to say, you are VERY intelligent. There's so much I'd love to discuss with you! Do NOT let lit. theory make you depressed. I hope it doesn't sound hypocritical coming from me, "the quitter" (haha), but truly, these feelings are to be expected the first time around. I know that I'm not stupid just because I don't "get" it after I've read the same page 3 times. Also, even though we all knew your struggles with the course, you blew us away last term with your presentation, and I know you will this week, too. You're an incredibly insightful, courageous person, and I really believe you can do anything you want! Good luck with everything you're working on, and stay positive, even though I know it's hard sometimes.

Jer said...

Awww, Lauren, thank you so much. I cherish those words...